Reflections of Grace

I am moving in 5 days. That is 26 days earlier than I anticipated. There is something about moving that causes you to reflect on the past. This whole process of picking a new house with two girls has been challenging. Not because either of my roommates are difficult. They are just about the two most wonderful people in the world. But because it requires letting go.


My current apartment I picked out myself, and even though I dislike my landlords, mold occasionally grows, and it is slightly ghetto, I made it my HOME.


This was the first place I ever took care of on my own. 
This was the first place I had to clean without being told by my mom or my RA.
This was the first place I had to pay for every month to continue living here.
This was the first place I had incredible neighbors to have game nights with.
This was my first place.


Saying good-bye isn't easy, but it makes me reflect on how God has sustained me though this whole living situation.


On March 28, 2010, I was broken. I did not know where or who I was going to live with. It was also the Day of Prayer at Emmaus.


That day I begged before God to bring me a Christian roommate thinking that one roommate would probably work out. The next day, she called to say that she would be living with someone else.


I was floored. I did not know where to go or where to turn, but I tried not to have a short term memory. God provided last year for me in miraculous ways.


Journal Entry from August 2, 2009:
"God, I don't even know what to say but I know I want to RUN with You. This decision to live alone scares me. It is out of my comfort zone, but I know you will provide. Keep me focused on the hurting people of Springfield I am going to encounter. I give you my Springfield story."


Journal Entry from August 5, 2009:
"Right now Springfield is scary. Nothing has worked out right with roommates. The living situation is hard."


Journal Entry from August 11, 2009:
"Wow, that is about all I can say. I have a Christian roommate that you brought to me. My Aunt Pam asked my mom if she knew anyone who needed a Christian roommate. WOW! This was the first girl who I did not pursue. You brought her to me. Thank You!"


That girl was Koni, my roommate. I heart her.


Going through my journal, I also found prayers about a job. Well, tomorrow, I open at The Coffee Ethic. A year ago, I would have laughed at the possibility to work at such an incredible coffee shop, but I do.


So God provided for me last year, and I held tight to that, but it was hard. Who knew he was preparing my living situation for this year long before now?


Journal Entry from October 22, 2009:
"God, Thank you for bringing Mallory into my life yesterday. I wish I could have known her before. But it was such a blessing to meet her and talk with a girl for a while. I hope she comes in more."


I could have never imagined that in 5 days I would be moving in with this wonderful Mallory. 


In conclusion, I am feeling a lot of emotions right now. I am thankful for God's provision and this exciting new part of my life to spend with two awesome chicas (Koni and Mallory). I am sad to let my first apartment go. I am tired even thinking about moving. And I am reading to make a new home.


Sometimes to accept our future, it is necessary to reflect on God's past grace.

GRACE

P.S. Whatever your doing inside of me, it feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace. Though it's hard to surrender to what I can't see. I'm giving in to something heavenly.

Albertine

I am sitting still

I think of Angelique

her mothers voice over me

And the bullets in the wall where it fell silent

And on a thousandth hill, I think of Albertine

there in her eyes what I don't see with my own

Rwanda

now that I have seen, I am responsible

Faith without deeds is dead

now that I have held you in my own arms, I cannot let go till you are

I am on a plane across a distant sea

But I carry you in me

and the dust on, the dust on, the dust on my feet

Rwanda

now that I have seen, I am responsible

Faith without deeds is dead

now that I have held you in my own arms, I cannot let go till you are

I will tell the world, I will tell them where I've been

I will keep my word

I will tell them Albertine

now that I have seen, I am responsible

Faith without deeds is dead

now that I have held you in my own arms, I cannot let go till you are

I am on a stage, a thousand eyes on me

I will tell them, Albertine

I will tell them, Albertine 

Song by Brooke Fraser

The Beauty of Rest

Psalms 127: 1

"It is useless for you to work so hard  

from early morning until late at night,

   anxiously working for food to eat;

      for God gives rest to his loved ones."

I love this promise.

As a senior in high school, I discovered this promise for the first time.

God wants us to work hard for Him, but he also gives us rest.

Rest is a precious gift from God.

I treasure it.

Last week, I spent all of the energy my body had been saving.

I worked a fundraiser for a non-profit in town.

At the end, I hit a very definite wall that I had not felt since high school.

The rest of the week, I lacked energy or motivation to do anything.

I was constantly irritable and moody.

Mold is my apartment did not help my lowered immunity.

My voice sounded like a young boy going through puberty the majority of the week.

Snot came out of my nose like an annoying leaking faucet.

I was drained of every ounce of energy, motivation, and joy.

But, then Friday, I drove home to Cape Girardeau, Missouri with my soon to be roommate, Mallory Roth.

There is nothing like a four hour car ride to get to know someone really well.
There is nothing like a four hour car ride with a new friend.
There is nothing like seeing beautiful rainbows on a four hour car ride.

It nourished my soul.

Picture from WeHeartIt

After I dropped her off in St. Gen, I drove to Cape
alone
with Sufjan Stevens on Mallory's ipod.
It was like I had jumped into a giant glass of mint tea for my spirit.
Through, Sufjan's soft, melodic voice, the gorgeous blue sky, and driving alone,

I found rest.
I found peace.
I found joy.

The rest of the weekend followed suit.
I enjoyed time with my family, my friends, and myself.
I lived spontaneously, even for just one weekend.

I can back to Springfield recharged and ready to tackle the week.

I hold firmly to God's beautiful promise that He will always grant His children rest.

GRACE

One of the songs I listened to on my drive...